A Very Evil Road Trip
by Warshwallow
Summary: Count Bleck has a surprise for everyone: they're going on a road trip! Some are happy with the idea, others are not. Will things go as planned?


Count Bleck's minions sat in the recreation room of Castle Bleck, bored. Nothing exciting was happening. Even Mario and Company had taken a break from saving the world, leaving the villains with nothing to do.

Suddenly, Nastasia burst through the door. "Hey, um, the Count has something to show you guys. So it'd be great if you could come on and see what it is."

Curious, the rest of the group followed Nastasia outside.

In front of the castle was an enormous green station wagon. Next to it stood the Count himself. He was rather excited, jumping up and down and grinning from non-existent ear to ear.

Since they were magical minions who served an evil count in a fantasy world, they had no clue what a vehicle was. Bewildered, Mr. L asked, "What is it, Count?"

"This," Bleck explained, "is a car! We're going to get out of town for a while and drive into another world! Yes, we are going on a road trip. It will be fun, says Count Bleck! Bleh-heh-heh!"

"A _road trip?_" Dimentio muttered.

"Ah've nevah been on one!" O'Chunks remarked.

Mimi was ecstatic. "EEK! I can't wait!" she squealed.

"When are we leaving?" Mr. L wondered.

"Today," Nastasia said.

"TODAY?" Dimentio and Mr. L yelled at the same time.

Nastasia cleared her throat. "You heard me. Now, go pack your bags and get in the car."

"Yay!" Mimi cried, skipping into the castle. The rest followed in shock.

"Bleh-heh…you've already packed your things, right, Nastasia?"

Nastasia gestured to a tidy little suitcase. "I've got my clothes, books, notebooks, and pens in there," she said. "And I've got the itinerary and road maps on the dashboard."

"Bleh-heh-heh. Good, says Count Bleck."

…

Mimi threw her diary, her lucky pen, extra clothes, toiletries, and her teddy bear into her pink backpack. She zipped it up and ran into the hall, where the boys were waiting with their luggage.

"C'mon!" she cried. "Let's go!"

At last, everybody was ready to go. Nastasia had also packed some blankets and snacks for everybody.

The Count sat in the driver's seat, with Nastasia and her road map in the passenger seat. Mimi and Dimentio, because they were small, sat in the middle. O'Chunks and Mr. L were in the back with all the luggage.

Bleck started the car, and they were off.

"'Ey…this ain't so bad!" O'Chunks said. "I'm 'avin fun already!"

"We're forty feet from the castle, O'Chunks," Dimentio grumbled. He still wasn't happy about the sudden decision to go on a cross-country trip.

"Let's sing one of those travel songs!" Mimi piped. She began to belt out lyrics.

"_99 buckets of shrooms on the wall,_

_99 buckets of shrooms_

_You take one down, pass it around,_

_98 buckets of shrooms on the wall!"_

"Wait, wait," Mr. L interrupted. "Are we actually going to sing until there are no buckets of shrooms on the wall?"

"Of course, sillyhead!" Mimi giggled.

Dimentio groaned.

Mimi punched his arm playfully. "C'mon, where's your spirit?"

She began to sing again._ "98 buckets of shrooms on the wall…"_

When there were 94 buckets of shrooms left, O'Chunks began singing along. At 86 buckets, Mr. L joined in. Pretty soon, even the Count was getting into it. Nastasia focused on the map, but she, too, occasionally took count of buckets of shrooms.

Dimentio began banging his head against the window. As another car passed, he stared at its passengers, mouthing the words, _"Help me!" _But at long last, when they were down to 43 buckets, he gave up and started singing.

Finally…_"Zero buckets of shrooms on the wall!"_

"HALLELUJAH!" cried Dimentio, and he passed out.

"That was fun!" Mimi said.

"Ugh, my throat is sore…" Mr. L complained.

"Here's a bottle of water," Nastasia said, passing one back.

Dimentio woke up and rubbed his face. "I need one, too," he pouted.

"I want some ice cream!" Mimi whined.

"Can I get a 'Appy Meal?" O'Chunks pleaded.

"NO!" hissed the Count. "Count Bleck is NOT going to McDonald's! We have snacks already. We can't just cater to your every need!"

Nastasia handed out water and Goldfish crackers. "This should keep you guys full for a while, 'k? There's also fruit up here if you need it."

The car was quiet for a while, filled with nothing but the sounds of the minions munching. Then, long after the snacks had been digested, a low moan came from the back.

"Who was that, demanded Count Bleck?"

Nastasia turned around. "Are you guys okay back there?"

Mimi, Dimentio, and Mr. L all pointed at O'Chunks.

"O'Chunks? What's the matter?"

The great bearded brute had turned a sickly shade of green. His eyelids drooped, and he clutched his stomach. All hell broke loose.

"Oh, my Grambi!" Mimi gasped. "He's gonna throw up!"

Dimentio shrieked. "No! I'm sitting right in front of him!"

"Shut up! I'm sitting right _next _to him!" Mr. L argued.

"All of you, shut up!" Count Bleck snarled.

Nastasia frantically rummaged through the glove compartment in search of a bag or a napkin, without any luck.

Flustered, she called, "O'Chunks, you're gonna have to hang in there, 'k?"

"Quick, roll down a window!" Dimentio cried.

Mr. L jabbed at the window button, but it was too late. O'Chunks projectile vomited everywhere. Everyone, except the Count and Nastasia, were covered in the sticky substance.

"EWW!" Mimi screamed. "It stinks!"

"Talk about O'_Chunks_," Dimentio mumbled.

"I'll say," Mr. L agreed. "His name should be Blow-Chunks."

"Stop it, all three of you!" Nastasia scolded. "You're making him feel bad. O'Chunks, are you okay?"

O'Chunks groaned. "Ah…'m sorry, Nastasia! An' the rest of yeh, too!"

"Uh…it's okay," Nastasia said, doing her best to sound soothing. "Did you all bring extra clothes?"

"Uh-huh," Mimi said.

"Yeah," Mr. L said.

Dimentio said nothing.

"Oh, for crying out loud, Dimentio!" Nastasia sighed. "I know you don't have another jester outfit, but you're gonna have to wear normal clothes until it's dry-cleaned, 'k?"

"Fine."

"Bleck…it smells in here. Nastasia, where is the dry-cleaner's, wondered Count Bleck?"

Nastasia scoured the road map. "I dunno…here it is. Take this exit…"

…

Mimi, Mr. L, and O'Chunks handed in their dirty clothing and wore their new ones. They looked the same as always, just in different colored clothes. But they all knew who would look completely different.

"Dimentio, come on," Mr. L called into the boy's restroom.

With a gusty sigh, a thin, pale young man stomped out. He had shaggy black hair pulled back into a ponytail, and he wore a plain white T-shirt and black basketball shorts (they had been the only clothes Mr. L could find that fit him). He was rather handsome, but he did not like that.

Mimi burst out laughing. "HA! You look like a teenage vampire with a ponytail! Hee-hee-hee!"

"Mimi," Nastasia snapped. "What did I say about being rude?"

Dimentio sulked and sat down on the couch. Everybody was in the dry-cleaner's lobby.

O'Chunks kept bawling. "It's all me fault! I'm the one who caused this!"

Mr. L patted his shoulder sympathetically. "It's okay, bro. Look what we get to see." Snickering, he nodded toward the sulky Dimentio.

"Oh, shut up!" Dimentio wailed. "I know you're all talking about me!"

Two hours, many yawns, and a very large payment later, the outfits were clean. The lady at the front counter looked suspiciously at the group. She had cleaned a black-and-red kilt, a jester's outfit, an orange dress, and a black ninja uniform. And paying at the counter was a strange warlock guy and his little secretary!

Dimentio grabbed his outfit and teleported into the restroom. The others changed as well.

When everyone was ready, the station wagon was once again loaded up.

Nastasia tried to lighten the mood by turning on the radio. The song "Baby" by Justin Bieber blared.

_Baby, baby, baby, ohh…_

"Change it! Please!" Mimi begged.

But the Count was dancing in his seat. "Count Bleck likes this song," he said. "And Count Bleck will listen to whatever Count Bleck likes."

"What's so amazing about a song that goes on and on about an infant?" Dimentio wanted to know.

"Count Bleck does not know. But it does have a catchy beat."

…

"_I am titaaaaniummm!"_

The Count was obsessed with the radio. So far he had forced them to listen to "Baby", "Story of my Life", "Thriller", "Magic" by B.O.B. (which Dimentio actually enjoyed), and now, "Titanium".

It was getting late. Mimi was already asleep, and O'Chunk's eyes were glazing over. Finally, Bleck turned the radio off and the car was quiet once again.

Suddenly, Mr. L announced, "I have to go to the bathroom."

"Didn't you just go at the dry-cleaner's?" Nastasia snapped.

"Yeah. But I have to go again."

Nastasia groaned. "Can you hold it?"

"I'll try. But I think I'm gonna pee my pants if we don't go to another rest stop soon."

"Vomit…urine…what else will we encounter?" Dimentio sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Why don't we stay at a hotel for the night?" the Count suggested.

Nastasia nodded. "I think it'd be best for these guys."

The Count pulled into a nearby motel called Cozy's Inn. Everybody began to gather the things they would take inside.

Dimentio gently shook Mimi and spoke softly. "Mimi…wake up…"

But the little girl wouldn't budge. She was exhausted.

"I'll carry 'er," O'Chunks said. He took Mimi and her pink backpack into his arms and followed the others into the hotel.

"We would like one room, please," the Count said at the counter.

The clerk glanced at the strange family. "Er…here's your room key…sir."

Their room was on the third floor. The little party headed in and placed their things down.

Mr. L sprinted to the bathroom. O'Chunks set Mimi down on the couch.

"Count, what will our sleeping arrangements be?" Nastasia asked.

The Count cleared his throat. "O'Chunks and I will sleep in the bed. You and Mimi will sleep in the couch bed. As for Dimentio and Mr. L…"

"The floor, of course," Dimentio interrupted. "Well, it doesn't matter, I'm just so tired." He flopped facedown on the ground.

"Yer a little drama queen," O'Chunks muttered.

The Count sighed. "You didn't let Count Bleck finish, Dimentio. Yes, you two will sleep on the floor, but there is an air mattress here in the closet for you."

"Okay," Dimentio said in a muffled voice.

After everybody had gotten washed up and the blankets were set out, it was finally time for bed. O'Chunks settled down next to the Count, Nastasia climbed in the couch bed next to Mimi, and Dimentio and Mr. L plopped down on the fully-inflated air mattress. Everybody (except the sleeping Mimi) had changed into pajamas: the Count in a robe, Nastasia in a nightgown, Dimentio in the same shirt and basketball shorts, O'Chunks in boxers, and Mr. L in footie pajamas.

"Good night, my minions," the Count mumbled. "Tomorrow we'll have more fun."

Nastasia turned off the light, and it was quiet for a while. But one should know by now that with Count Bleck and crew, things don't stay quiet for long.

"_Stop breathing on me!" _Dimentio hissed.

"_Your feet are touching mine!" _Mr. L hissed back.

"_Did you even brush your teeth?" _Dimentio snapped.

"_Yes!"_

"_It sure doesn't smell like it!"_

"_Well, you should stay on your own side of the mattress, mister!"_

Nastasia groaned and stormed over to the mattress. "What in Grambi's name is going on _now_?"

"He keeps breathing on me!" Dimentio snarled.

"He keeps kicking me!" Mr. L snarled.

"You two keep annoying me!" Nastasia snarled. "Mr. L, stop breathing on Dimentio. Dimentio, stop kicking Mr. L. Both of you, shut up before you wake the Count."

"Hmph!" both boys sniffed, facing away from each other.

Mimi began to thrash and moan.

Nastasia took a deep breath and rubbed her face. She walked over to Mimi and placed a hand on her.

Mimi kept flailing around. She sat bolt upright, wailing, "Nooooo!"

"Mimi!" Nastasia cried.

Mimi started to sob uncontrollably.

"Mimi, Mimi! What's wrong?" Nastasia panicked.

In her hysteria, Mimi jerked her head to the side. Her neck bones gave a sickening snap.

"Mimi, no!" Nastasia cried. She grabbed Mimi's head and adjusted it back into its normal position. _That was close_, Nastasia thought.

"Now tell me what happened," Nastasia whispered.

"The…the…chick…chickens…they…chickens…they want…they want…to sell me…to…to sell me…in…insurance!"

"What?" Nastasia's fear melted into confusion. "Chickens were trying to sell you insurance?"

Mimi wailed and nodded her head. She leaned against Nastasia and sobbed.

The Count woke up. "What's going on?"

"Mimi just had a nightmare, that's all," Nastasia whispered. "There, there, Mimi, it's all right. There are no chickens. Go back to sleep now."

"I can't!" Mimi whined. "I'm don't wanna have that dream again!"

"You won't," Nastasia assured her. "We're in the hotel room now. Go back to sleep."

Mimi slowly drifted off to sleep.

Nastasia crawled in next to her and, finally, closed her eyes and dozed off.


End file.
